|
|
See Also : Love :
Related Articles : The History Of Love : Different Types Of Love : The Chemistry Of Love : How To Be Loved ::
Love is a single word with many meanings, which has made it difficult to study scientifically. The different types of love have their own characters and personalities, and the love you have for someone will change over time, in character, intensity and even type. If they love you back, then their love style will interact with yours, and this will also change over time, so don't expect any loving relationship to stay the same.
Love styles are commonly given their Greek names, as the ancient Greeks recognised different love styles, and they are shown in the diagram below. The dark triangle shows the three main love styles of eros, storge and ludus. The lighter triangle shows the other love styles which are mixtures of the main love styles on either side, so agape is a mixture of eros and storge. (Based on John Lee's Lovestyles 1973).
- Eros is love of ideal beauty, a passionate physical and emotional love based on an appreciation of beauty, from which the modern idea of romantic love derives. The attraction on which it is based usually fades with time
- Storge is love as friendship. It is an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based strong companionship and shared values. Storgic lovers want their partner to also be their best friend, and this friendship can survive the breakdown of the partnership
- Ludus is love as a game where conquest is the goal, but from there another conquest is the next goal as there is little intimacy or deep intensity, and little effort to make a longer commitment
- Agape is dutiful, selfless love such as a mother for her child, a love of giving without asking anything in return. They view their partners as blessings and want to take care of them. They are often spiritual or religious people
- Pragma is realistic, practical logical love. The type of love which can go out looking for a partner based on a shopping list of requirements, which can be a bit unemotional
- Mania is obsessive and highly volatile love fuelled by low self-esteem. It is troubled love with dependence on the other person, great intensity and jealousy, and is accompanied by the most chemical changes in the body which can make the person unable to work or study properly
Relationships tend to last longer with people who have the same love styles, and this is what people generally prefer, however men generally tend to show a less settled ludic love style, while women generally prefer relationships that develop over time such as agape and pargma.
Mania is often the first love style that teenagers display, especially with their first love. It produces large chemical changes in the body, shows the greatest intensity, and can make the average teenager incapable of concentrating or thinking about anything else. Fortunately for everybody this usually wears off quite soon so that life can get back to some normality.
Romantic love (eros) is not a good predictor of a lasting relationship, and may cloud your judgement about somebody, as is is possible to love someone with this love style, and not even like them as a friend or person. The idea of romantic love is, after all, a modern western invention, though most people in the west believe in it so completely that it is difficult to question. However, most westerners would rather make their own mistakes based on their ideas of romantic love, coupled with their own love style, than have their parents help them choose a marriage partner. Although research is poor in this area, there appears not to be a huge difference between the long term success of a romantic and an arranged match. Of course, dating agencies have taken over from arranged marriages anyway!
Subscribe to this comment's feed
01392 360125 OR